Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
