i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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