dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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