You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
