If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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