booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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