I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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