i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
