this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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