so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
