i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
