I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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