I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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