we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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