Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize