I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
