I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
