id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
