woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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