he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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