Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
