sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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