You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
