only if we run a train.
done.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
