I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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