I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
