I feel great
I just peed on a car
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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