Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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