FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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