Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
