why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
