mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
try to milk me bitch
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