but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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