I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
