I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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