I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
