dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
barbara walters just said penis...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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