I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
