maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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