and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
