shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
