I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
