I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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