I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
