i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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