Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
