Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
