Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
