THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
