I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
