Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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