the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
