Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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