What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
