You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
