I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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