I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
