Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize