I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
