You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
