Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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