is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
