bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
