There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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