you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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