Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
