Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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