I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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