But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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