The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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