If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
