Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
