I cockslap morals
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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