If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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