Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
