you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
