He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
