I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
