The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
