I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
