Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize