I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
