when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
