and you said cock pushups were impossible
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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