On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Quick, to the slutcave!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
