No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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