i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
