He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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