real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
