What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
