so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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