i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
