If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
