Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
