ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
