420 ftw
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
