Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
