He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
