Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
