But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
