Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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