Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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