So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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