we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
