Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
