the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
