:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
