I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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