please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
