Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
