Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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