Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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