i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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