Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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