So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize