What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
