If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
