6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
BRING THE BAGELS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
