should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
