hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
