I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
